Coughlin, Sandy. The
Reluctant Entertainer: Every Woman’s Guide to Simple and Gracious
Hospitality. Minneapolis: Bethany
House Publishers, 2010. 
Great title…and some
very good practical ideas…
"My
10 Commandments of Hospitality"
1.
“Hospitality is not
about you.”
I was just reading today that the host’s hospitality goal is not
her own self-actualization but an appreciation of her guest’s identity. Hans-Georg Gadamer has worked on this issue
of the possibility of ever knowing another’s “horizons.”
Here’s what Thomas W.
Ogletree notes: “This emphasis is a
corrective to the Western tendency to begin and end the experiences of others
in terms of his or her own experiences, and who assimilates the moral import of
the other into his or her own self-actualization.” 
That’s not easy for me to acknowledge as my other research idea
involves female self-actualization. This
connection is something I want to explore further.
2.
“Plan ahead, be organized,
and know your recipe. Learn to delegate.”
This relates to #1. It’s not
about you. Including others in the
planning, execution, and/or clean-up embraces their gifts.
3.
“Set the mood. Keep
ambience and the five senses in mind.” 
I bow to my daughters and son on this one. Flowers, simple and tasteful table settings, mood-inspiring
music…You get the idea.
4.
“Avoid perfectionism. Put fear aside—it’s a robber of anything
good.”
It’s really not in the details.
It’s not about the gathering; it’s about the enjoyment of the gathered.
5.
“Share
conversation. Foster friendships by keeping
things real.” If you tend to hide in the
kitchen, like I do, invite people to gather there. 
6.
“Demonstrate
thriftiness.”
No need to spend and
acquire.
No need to spend and
acquire.
7.
“Don’t apologize. It’s okay to make mistakes…it robs your guests
of relaxation.”
Apologizing doesn’t make it go away or better. It just makes it awkward. Again, it’s not about you. Never lose focus on everyone’s enjoyment.
8.
“Be creative. Use what you have. Keep things simple.” See # 6.
9.
“Learn from others. Find
mentors…” I think of my former neighbor who could craft an elegant meal from
the reduced produce section of Winn Dixie.
I think of Theresa Pirron who discarded nothing that could be used for
another meal—often more delicious than before.
I think of my former mother-in-law, reading cookbooks in bed and
clipping recipes from newspapers. I
think of my mother and her combinations of “meat, potatoes, beans.” I think of my cousin and her husband at a
large farm table with an abundance of local foods.
10.
“Life impact is
everything. Experience intimacy and meaning in sharing a meal and gleaning from
others’ lives.”
I know this seems like a strange recommendation for this
commandment, but read Judith Jone’s Cooking
for One. Every recipe serves an
intimate two, I’ve found. The photos are
gorgeous and the text is inspiring. 
Here are some internet
resources that she recommends:
Kraft's iFood Assistant
(app): food planning and meal preparation, with shopping list
Leftover Wizard at
BigOven.com: creates recipes from 3 ingredients you enter
SuperCook.com: recipe
search engine that creates recipes from ingredients you have
RecipeMatcher.com: your
ingredients produce recipes with at least one of them
